Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Chasing Shadows

Is there a difference just quietly waiting than chasing shadows? 
Both are empty
I tried to pour into the canvas with lines and colors that I missed
Does it matter if your eyes closed?
Mind wanders away, through the boundaries of the sky
Something has burned my soul
Scent of your body swirling in my head
The love that I give with all my heart 
Insecure and burned by bitterness

Is there a difference when we meet and by the time we parted?  
Both equally meaningful
It is now how I live in which part of my soul where I hide
the hurting chest, the grief and the pieces of my heart

Don't want to lay down in my bed
Just to find out myself wandering 
Don't want to have the night
Just to have another nightmare while I'm sleeping 
O dear Lord, please help me to overcome 
Flashing images that creates sadness and hopelessness     

Ping !


Ping ! You've got a new message..

Sender : Hello, are you in the office?
Me : Yes, I am in the office today.
Sender : Good to hear that! We need to meet soon. I need to discuss something with you. How was your trip to Tehran?
Me : Err.....#i don't know what to say ! the teardrops is falling...#

Schedule oh.. Schedule


It is difficult if you have so many cookers for one single dish.
It is tiring if you have so many people involved for a simple work that can be done easily.. all you need is sufficient time to complete it.

Well, this is life... most people could not stand not to stand back and watch. They want, they need to be involved to something that they think it's important. So that they felt that they also important. Yes, some studies said that all human needs to be involved into their environment and all human being wanting to feel and craving to be projected as important people.  

But for a person who is working towards a small book consist of a plan  of events or appointments expected to occur in the future, called schedule. 
It is a disaster.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Second Day : Ya Allah, please cure my soul

اَللَّهُمَّ صَلِّ عَلَى سَيِّدِنَا مُحَمَّدٍ، طِبِّ الْقُلُوْبِ وَدَوَائِهَا، وَعَافِيَةِ اْلأَبْدَانِ وَشِفَائِهَا، وَنُوْرِ اْلأَبْصَارِ وَالْبَصَائِرِ وَضِيَائِهَا، وَعَلَى آلِهِ وَصَحْبِهِ وَسَلِّمْ.

(Ya Allah limpahkanlah kesejahteraan atas junjungan kami Nabi Muhammad SAW yg merupakan obat hati dan penyembuhnya,penyehat dan penyelamat badan,cahaya dan sinar penglihatan,penjamin kesehatan jasmani dan rohani akan kebutuhannya,dan juga limpahkanlah kesejahteraan dan keselamatan atas keluarga serta sahabat2nya)

Ya Allah, please give me Your strength and cure my aching heart and soul...

Ya Allah.....

Ya Allah,...
I've been attending numbers of meetings with few eminent persons in the world, I've been handling so many complicated issues and tasks with a limited time. I've been having and handling some complicated problems before and Yes, those days will be a busy, difficult and tiring days for me in the past.

But today, it's different.
I never ever feel going through the longest day i ever had in my whole life until yesterday and today.
Every minutes and hours.... It is like a tormenting my soul, heart and every nerves that i had...
Today is the hardest and difficult day i ever had and i know its only the beginning as there'll be four days more to come....

Ya Allah yang Maha Besar,
Aku mohon, Berikanlah kekuatan kepadaku untuk menjalani semua ini
Ya Allah yang Maha Mengetahui Segala yang terjadi di bumi ini,
Aku mohon,....berikan aku ketabahan dan ke ikhlasan...

Subhanallah yaa Allah...
Berikan aku kelapangan hati dan berikan aku kemudahan untuk menerima...
Ternyata mengatakan tidak semudah dengan menjalankan..........

Ya Allah, berikanlah petunjuk-Mu.... apa yang harus aku lakukan untuk melewati hari demi hari?



Friday, June 1, 2012

First day after the Journey to a Heart

Today is my first day upon my arrival in Jakarta, after i took a short journey to a beautiful country, a warm and hospitable place where I was planning to have soul and heart searching.

It was an interesting and meaningful trip. I met a dear friend, and made new Indonesian and local friends. They are very kind and giving me a warm gesture of friendship. I hope that i can reciprocate to all of them some day soon. They took me to see new places, made me feel comfortable, laugh and learn new things about the culture and norms. Now, i missed them all... 

The searching.

At first, i was so confident that i can conquer it all ! I do expected that i will experiences the ups and down during the trip and i do believed that i can handle them. But, after going thru hours alone thinking and searching the answers, i can not find one answer that can contemplate my heart. I just can't. I did pray, meditate and even do extreme action, by analyzing and confronting, just simply searching an answer to convince myself. 

A dear friend giving me an advise saying that i need to think it through before making decision and before trusting your heart to someone. 
Yes that's true but it is too late. I did let it fall, my heart, and it is broken into pieces now and I just realized it today that no one can mend it.

Probably, Allah knows that I've been searching something that will be saving my soul and heart. For a greater good of my little world. So, somehow, on my way back, i was upgraded from economy class to business class. From 35G to 01F. Alhamdulillah, Allah always gives help somehow.
But, sitting in a comfortable compartment with great food and services did not ease my pain. My tears was keep on falling for almost 8 hours and i can't control it even though I finally fall asleep for the last two hours because my eyes are tired of crying.

And, yes, last night i made three calls. One to inform that i have arrived safe, Two was to inform to keep the 'half-bake' painting that i made, because clearly i don't want to keep something that made me remembered of the great time that i can't have anymore, an illusion that he made and Three was when i let my heart fell, again when i told i missed the time and all and the response was very disappointing. So, yes, now its got into small pieces again with more bloodshed. They are the heart, trust, confidence and believed.

So early this morning, before going to office, I pray to Allah to have a mercy on me, to forgive me for all thing that i have done, to help me to keep me away from something/someone that are not good for me.

  

Tajrish, North Tehran, Iran


This photo was taken at the end of metro terminal, Tajrish, in a sunny Sunday. Tajrish is a neighborhood along the northern edge of Tehran, the capital of Iran. This neighborhood is one of the oldest parts of Tehran and has lately become popular for the rich because of the low levels of pollution created by the area's favorable location along Tehran's northern hills. Tajrish is situated in the Shemiran Township.
I went there with my dear friend, Sifa, who has spent more than two years in the city. She suggested me to go a traditional market located in North Tehran called Tajrish. We need to change two metros starting from Engalob Street to hop off in the end of the metro terminal, called Tajrish. The market was very much busy with local people buying groceries, vegetables, shopping for styles - its also selling cloths, watches, bags and shoes!, and most importantly, things that haunted by tourist like me, souvenirs!! Well, we took a candid pictures but somehow corrupted so i cant display them here.

 This is what the market look like...

Look at those happy faces! We talked and laughed a lot during the metro trip :)

And, i tasted another Ash-e Reshteh, a Persian Noodle Soup with some beans, spinach, lentils, beef broths, and persian traditional ingredients like tumeric, salt and something that make it sour. They said is the best Ash in Tajrish and yes, much better than the one in Tochal.

In the end of the market - well actually next to the terminal, i took a picture at Zahir-ud-Dowleh cemetery, in Tajrish, where many Iranian giants of art and culture such as Iraj Mirza, is buried. -- i need to clarify this information again..

Along the way, Ms. Sifa was kidnapping a cute 9 years old baby girl, Nussa - if i not mistaken. Hehehe, not exactly kidnapping, just chatting and took a picture with her ! Well, it is not our fault because she is so adorable and she was sitting with her grandpapa in front of the bus stop and she just so cute that we can not resist to kiss and take a picture with her. Here's pictures with cute Nussa :




Oh, i missed the photo with the Grandpa :(

Well, Sifa managed to kidnap cute Nussa to SFC, SuperStar Friend Chicken somewhere in Tajrish. We did asked her Grandpa to come along so that we can play with Nussa more, but its too bad she's waiting for her mumy so she can not play with us too long eventhough she was crying when her Grandpa took her

Somehow, we only ate a kids meal in Superstar. I know someone has regretting this because she still starving after took her part (clinging to Sifa). The pack consisted of two chicken strips with friend fries and a cold drink. The waiter asked me : Black or Red ? I thought he was asking me my favorite colors, because he gave me his best smile, i guess ! But then Sifa described whether i would like to have Coca Cola = Black or Fanta = Red. Its funny , though..

In the SFC, i met new friends, Dian and Didi who is coaching badminton for the country. They're a matching couple ! and after SFC, we went to a 'no name' cafe..(i heard someone called it Francois) where they served a very good milkshakes. We arrived in the cafe near Engalob Street, again!, in time for the coffee shop to close. Well, actually they're already closed. But, since we have our persuasive Sifa, she managed to convince the owner to serve us four milkshake to welcome me ! Aaaand, Yes oh Yes ! They made a delicious and great milkshakes ! I never tasted a delicious, rich and extremely soft texture Milkshake in my life before, not in Jakarta or another city that I've visited before. So these are the pictures.. we took with Agha from the coffee shop to make them happy too :) :)

Me and the couple !

the three beautiful Indonesian ladies..
We tried to make the Agha happy by making "snorting" sound when we finished the Milkshake ! Its Milkshakelicious !



So, do you think they are drop-dead gorgeous???
Well, they are ! but i know someone that more drop-dead gorgeous than them. Hush..hush...!!